New but Funny



Doctor: I advised you to have at-least two meals in a day, Are you following it?
Female: Oh no... I thought you advised two male in a day..

*******

After hair cut, shave and pedicure of himself, man said i will come back till that time cut the hair of this kid.
After an hour
Salon owner to kid: Where is your father?
Kid: He is not my father, he met me outside and said, lets have free short hair cut of you and me!!

*******

Boy rings the door bell and girl opens the door.
Boy: Do you believe in love at first sight or should i come back again.

*******


Once a man walks up to in woman's office each day, stand very closely to her,
draws in large breath of air and tells her hair smells nice!!!

After some days, she can't stand any longer and goes to her supervisor's office
and says that she want to file a sexual harassment suit against that man and tells why.
After listing supervisor gets puzzles and says whats wrong with your co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
Than the woman replies: " He is a midget."!!!

**********

"When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him."

**********

A husband and wife were eating soup.
The wife spilled soup all over her and says:-
"Oh no, I look like a pig"
"yes and you also have soup all over you!"

**********

Wife asked : What are two things you cannot have for breakfast?
Husband : Lunch and Dinner..

**********

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

**********

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

**********

Two Lovers went to watch a movie..
A mosquito entered in the girl's skirt,,,
Guess where it bit???
You Naughty mind,,, always think dirty..
It bit on...
...The boy's Hand.!!!!

**********

Father: Dear son This time you have to gain at least 95% marks..
Son: No dad , I will gain 100% this time..
Father:why r you making a joke.
Son: Who started first …..?????

**********

Once a Wife says to husband, " we've got such a clever dog, he brings in the
daily newspapers every morning.
Husband replies, "well, lots of dogs can do that.
Wife responded, " but we have never subscribed for any newspaper.!!!

*********

"Laugh at yourself first before else can."

One Liner Jokes


Everyone makes mistakes, but the trick is when you make them when no one s watching.

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Beer is a proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Why don't males show their true feelings? As they don't have any..

Did you fart because you blew me away.

I heard that your cat say its name, yes its meow!

Treat each day as your last; One day you will be right.

I want you to shock me, Pl say something intelligent!

Confession is always good for the soul, but bad for your career!

Money may not buy happiness but it can buy wine for you.

Do you think I suffer from insanity? No, I enjoy every minute of it.

Time is great healer, but a terrible beautician.

My wife i were happy for twenty years. Then we met!

If i agree with you we'd both be wrong.

Early to bed, early to rise makes the people suspicious.

Hard work is future payoff but laziness pays off now!

Name of the jam can't be eaten on toast? Traffic Jam!

What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A Urlologist..

Crime does not pay. Does it mean my job is a crime?

What is the best part of school? Summer Vacation!

Bad spellers of the world untie.

Whats wrong with summer vacation? Nothing..

To spend good life with man, you must understand him a lot but love him little..

If barbie is so popular why do you have to buy her friends?

Mechanic couldn't repair my breaks, so he made your horn louder..

I was in love at first sight, than i took a second look !!

There is one good thing about being poor ~ it inexpensive.

Just because I do not care does not mean I do.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Boys are like parking spaces, the good ones are take-in...

We have a quiet home life, I don't speak to my wife and she doesn't speak to me.

Born free...taxed to death.

My wife always talking about a trip to Europe,
I have no objections - I let her talk !!

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

You are never too old to learn something stupid.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

If winning is not everything, why do they keep score?

War does not determine who is right - only who is left

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

Tear: The kind of by which man's willpower is defeated by woman's water power.

A day without sunshine is like.... Night.

The men die before their wife.... because they want to.

Women have smaller feet than men so they can stand closer to kitchen sink.

It was love at first sight. Than i took a second look!

When i told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

They call our language mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

I went alone for honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.

A ghost says to another ghost that do you believe in people?"

My wife does not know what she wants.. Good you are luck, my wife does!

A bank is a place that will lend y.

I am in shape. Round's a shape, isn't it?

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I used to be indecisive, Now i am not sure.

If you think no body cares for you, bounce couple of your installments.

You are dark cute; when there is dark you look cute!

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Why can’t beautiful girl dial 911? She unable to find 11.

If at first attempt you don't succeed, delegate it.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence but second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

*****

"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from human face."
-Victor Hugo

Jokes Home
Privacy Policy
Sitemap
Contact us






Join the List