Good v/s Bad

Good: You are explaining to your daughter about birds and bees.
Bad: She interrupts you.
Very bad: and corrects you.

***********

Good: Your daughter has a good job.
Bad: She is a whore.
Very bad: She earns much more than you.

***********

Teacher: Explain about the different between problem and challenge????
Student: 3boys + 1girl = problem and 1boy + 3girls = challenge..

***********

1st person : I have three sons.. two are engineers and one could not study and become beggar..
2nd person : Then give him a short kick and throw him out of home!!!
1st person : How can i...??? only he earns......

**********

Two friends:
- What is it: it weighs 500 pounds, it provides heat during the winter but hangs on the tree during the summer?
- ???
- It is a stove.
- A stove that hangs on a tree?
- Why does it matter to you where I keep my stove during the summer.

***********

A man is driving on a city bus with a newspaper on his knee.
From time to time, he rips a piece off, ripping that piece into smaller ones and throwing them out the window. A passenger standing near him asks:
-Excuse me, why are you throwing pieces of paper out the window?
-I’m chasing away the elephants
-Chasing elephants? There aren’t elephants in the city.
-Well that means it's working!

************

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"

************

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? wasn't all that bad this time.
Dentist relied in short: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.

*************

"All successful people men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work."
- Brian Tracy

On Policeman Jokes

Have fun with these best Jokes on Police.
Three boys were going on motor bike.
A police man gives hand to stop.
The boys shouted, stay away!!
we already three on one bike, don't have space for you!!

----------

Once A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding.
The police catch him ans says , "It's been a long day and if you can give me a good excuse for this behavior, I'll let you go."
The smart boy thinks for a few seconds and shortly replies, "sir, My wife ran away with a cop about a month ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

----------

Two policemen are going to work-
First: Shall we take a bus or walk?
Second: Well, lets see what arrives first.

----------

Once Two funny policemen were in a patrol car:-
Could you check if the directional work on your side of the car?
The other policeman looks through the window and says:
Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...

----------

Police: You will be dead by tomorrow at 5am.
Criminal: ha ha ha, very funny..
Police: why are you laughing??
Criminal: I get up at 9 in the morning..

----------

Police to kid: There are two man fighting, who is your father?
Kid: That is what they are fighting for!

----------

In a restaurant, a man ordered soup but, as soon as it arrived, he had to go to the bathroom.
To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he is away, he wrote on a napkin: "I SPIT IN THE SOUP".
When he returned, he found another message on napkin: "ME, TOO".

-----------

In bio practical: two stupid got two bombs.
1st: lets go to police and give it to hem..
2nd: If one blast on the way..
1st: we will lie that we found only one !!!


"Winning is not everything, but the will to win is everything."
-Vince Lombard.

Impress Your Special One

Seven Steps to Impress Your Special One..

It is natural that boys get attracted toward girls. But it is very difficult to impress girls. Girls always seek for a good life partner. They imagine that their dream boy must be smart, caring, supportive and have a jolly nature. So guys gear up, it is not easy to impress 21st century girls. But I can tell you some of the best ways to get girls attention. Here we go:


• Bring some fun and humor in your nature.
• Share some of the best short jokes with positive body language.
• Make yourself interesting and attractive.
• Show your energy level attract the crowd.
• Do not feel embarrass while sharing your personal funny incident. It is good to fun at yourself.
• You can expose your other qualities, like your attractive smile, your dressing sense, hair style etc., while playing jokes because at that time listeners pay attentions to you, look at your face and hear you only.
• Always take care for the type of jokes you are going to share. Some girls like sexy naughty jokes while others may like jokes about friends and family.

It does not mean that there is no space for emotions. Girls like emotional persons. It touches direct to their heart. If you have a feeling for girl just make her friend with the help of Funny material and than make her feel about your love with your emotions. Normally the feeling of love start with:-

• Life seems so beautiful with her.
• Heart starts sinking. while meeting her.
• You find the reasons to call to her.

So express your feelings for your special one and get noticed with the help of your jovial mood.

Girlfriend - Boyfriend Jokes

Add the salt of humor with Jokes into the lovely relation of girlfriend boyfriend. Make her/him smile to increase your intimacy.

The sweet, caring, loyal, loving boyfriend -
never fights,
never argues,
never takes advantage,
never leaves,
never slaps,
never makes you cry,
never hurts,
.
.
.
and doesn’t exist!



Boyfriend: I am fond of your teeth. I just love them.
Girlfriend: Thanks, but why so, what is special in my teeth?
Boyfriend: Because yellow comes in my favorite color category..



Love, You don’t need car keys to drive me crazy.


Boys and girls like each others, get into love, it is all because of misunderstanding..
But they immediately do break ups when understand one another..



Girlfriend to Boyfriend: I was looking something to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.
Boyfriend: That was really so thoughtful gift. Why didn't you gift that?
Girlfriend: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.



GF: Lets go to McDonald?
BF: First spell its name..
GF: Hmm, lets go to KFC
BF: No, first tell me full form of KFC.
GF: Leave it, lets go for ride..



Girlfriend to boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be your forever.
Boyfriend: Thanks for the warning!!



Once a guy proposed a girl..But she refused the proposal.
And imagine what happened??
...........
...........
...........
They lived happily forever..



Pam: Why did you left your last girlfriend?
Spank: She was so horrible that Facebook denied her profile image and throw her back to MySpace..



Hey, I think If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be a McGorgeous.



Gf messaged to his old boyfriend and asked: What is the meaning of IDK.
Bf replied: I don't know..
Gf: Oh my god, How dumb the world is, nobody knows the meaning!!



After Valentine's Day
15th Feb:slap Day
16th Feb:-Gift return Day
17th Feb:-Fight Day
18th Feb:-Sorry Day
19th Feb:-Break-up Day
20th Feb:-Search for next Day



Girl: I am waiting so much for the time we will get married. After that, I would love to solve all your problems, worries and reduce your stress..
Boy: Wow, so nice of you.. But honey I don't feel that i have any troubles or problems..
Girl: Because you are not married yet!!




Girlfriend: What do you call a female in heaven?
Boyfriend: An angel!
Girlfriend: And what about crowd of them in heaven?
Boyfriend: A host of angels!
Girlfriend: And what if all the females are in heaven?
Boyfriend: Peace and happiness on the earth..



Girlfriend: Today is my birthday and you haven't bring anything for me. Why?
Boyfriend: Because i wanted to surprise you!!



Boy in college to another boy: As per my experience, the girls are as good as road.
2nd boy: How?
First boy: Because the more the curve a road has, the more the dangerous that road is!



Sunny and Jorge lost their girlfriends and went for their search.
Sunny: How does your girlfriend looks?
Jorge: She has very attractive face, innocent eyes, good height and fantastic smile.
Jorge: Tell me about your gf?
Sunny: Leave mine, lets find yours only...



Girlfriend: I will marry you only when you do some act of bravery..
Boyfriend: I am with you, it is not less than any work of bravery!



Girlfriend: If i am walking with my beautiful friends on the street. How can you change this situation into exclamatory sentence?
Boyfriend: Awesome..



Boy: We always wish to be girl's first love.
Girl: But we are different: We love to be boy's last romance!



Boyfriend: Amazing world, only 25% boys have mind, very short figure!!
Girlfriend: What about Rest?
Boyfriend: Well, rest have GIRLFRIENDS!!



Do you know that your girlfriend closes her eyes while kissing, considering your face. This is how they love you all the time!



Q: Tell me the difference between motorbike and boyfriend?
A: Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked...



Boyfriend: Do you know that exams are like girlfriend?
Girlfriend: How funny?
Boyfriend: Yes, it is.. They are tough to understand, complicated, lots of questions and the result is always doubtful..



Boyfriend: Dear, i want to give a gift to my girlfriend, what should i give?
Friend: Diamond ring..
Boyfriend: No, i want to gift something which she has never used before..
Friend: Alright, you can gift her gents underwear...



Boyfriend: Do you want a kiss?
Girlfriend: No.
Boyfriend: Do you remember what i just said?
Girlfriend: Do you want a kiss?
Boyfriend: Yes, if you insist..



Girlfriend: I want to end up our relationship, I am going to return you everything you gave me..
Boyfriend: What a joke? Okay then, let's start with Kisses..!!!"



Girlfriend: Are your sure that you love me only?
Boyfriend: Yes, i have checked my whole list again..



Girlfriend: What is cheapest thing to be taxed?
Boyfriend: Your brain!



Girlfriend: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, problems to
lighten your burden.
Boyfriend: It's very good darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girlfriend: Well that's because we aren't married yet..



Before Marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
BUT
After marriage: Simply read from bottom to top..



Girl in a gift shop: Please show me some greeting cards with message "I love you only?"
Shopkeeper: Here are some of the best!
Girl: Wow, Please pack 20 cards!



Boyfriend: Please keep me in your brain not in heart..
Girlfriend: How funny, why not heart?
Boyfriend: Because more empty space means more comfort!!



Bf: What did you get the small medal for?
Gf: For acting.
Bf: And big medal for?
Gf: To stop acting..



Boy: You must work in a library..
Girl: Why do you think like that?
Boy: Because whenever i see you, my circulation goes high!



The prospective son-in-law was asked by his girlfriend's father..
Son, are you able to support a family?
Son in law: Well, no, sir,' he replied. I was just planning to support your daughter..
The rest of you will have to find for yourselves.!!



Boyfriend: I love you, I could die for you.
Girlfriend: How soon??
Boyfriend: What a joke...



Girlfriend: Its the time we should marry.
Boyfriend: Very funny, but who will marry us??



What did the artist say to his sweet girlfriend?
I really love you with all my art!



Bf: Where did you get this big eyes?
Gf: They came with the face!



I noticed that my girlfriend wants me to be more loving; so I.....
found one another...



Gf: Your friend is going to engage with a ugly girl.
Bf: i was also informed the same before engaged to you!



Boy: Do you have boyfriend?
Girl: Yes, i do have..
Boy: Me too..

*****

After a Blind date..
Girl: It was the worst date of my life..
Mother: Why so?
Girl: The man owns 1965 Rolls Royce
Mother: That is great thing..
Girl: But he is the original the owner!



Gf: You always keep silent.
Bf: Well, it is my nature.
Gf: But somewhere i read that its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and clear all doubts!



Gf: What is the meaning of way and wave?
Bf: On which males walk is a way and on which females walks is wave..



Due to some reason, bf gf got fight.
Next day:
Bf calls: Hello, how are you dear?
Gf: I am busy with my new love, can i ignore you some other time?



Girl: That handsome hunk is creating problem for me..
Friend: But i am also noticing him, he has even not looked at you..
Girl: Yes, he is not looking at me and i have a problem with this attitude..



Girl: Do you know from where 'I Love You' originated?
Boy: From china, because there is no warranty, if succeed, works forever and if not than never!!



- Tell me, If a black boy and his black girlfriend are in the car. Who's driving?
- Of-course, the cop!



"Don't hate me because i am beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks i am."


Read more great funny contents at Funny Jokes.

Here are Some Cool One


Girl: Dear, today is the day when we met first..
Boy: Oh, thanks for recalling me, let us stand in silence for two minutes..
______

Boss: Where were you born?
Employee: United-Kingdom..
Boss: Which part?
Funny employee: All parts of mine..
______


Girls are 70%
Beauty
Girls r 75%
Sweet
Girls r 85%
Naughty
Girls r 90%
Cute
Girls r 100%
Lovely
Total
70+75+85+90+100 = 420
______

About the perfect son - funny one..

The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
______


Wife : We are very poor, there is nothing good with us.
Husband: But dear, there is one thing good about being Poor which is very funny.
Wife : what??
Husband: It is Inexpensive.!!!

Rain Jokes

Enjoy these rain jokes and keep yourself wet.. LOL



Jolie: Do you know what do raindrop says to another raindrop?
Minni: Yes, it says that my plop is really bigger than your plop..

--------

Man: Daylight-saving time mean in Seattle means?
Woman: It is an extra hours of rain!!

--------

Dad asked to his NRI son: How is the climate there?
Son replied: The climate has not been too bad nowadays – It only rained thrice. 1st time for 4 days and second time for 6 days.

--------

Wife: Why do you use ketchup when it rains?
Hubby: I heard that it rains like cats but hot dogs!!

--------

A nervous old lady on a bus was made even more nervous by the fact that the driver periodically took his arm out of the window. When she couldn't stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear: "Young man...you keep both hands on the wheel...I'll tell you when it's raining!" :)

--------

Student: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Student: thanks mam, because i didn't do my homework.

--------

Mom: Do you the difference in the horse and weather?
Kid: One is reined up and another rains down..

--------

Jasmine: Can you answer me, why do people use ketchup in rain?
Rosie: Simply because it rains like cats and hot dogs..

--------

Boy: What do you say a sunny day that follows two days of rain?
Girl: Well, Monday

--------

Dad: Son, can you tell that how do you know if rain is suppose to come?
Son: When i can see the mountain. when i can’t see the mountain, it is already raining.

--------

Father: A man is incomplete until he is married.
Son; An after that?
Father: Finished shortly!!!

--------

Mam: Do you know that what does the day-light saving time mean in Seattle?
Kid: Yes, it is an extra hour of rain!

--------

Joseph: Do you know that the rain makes grass, tress, flowers and everything more beautiful.
Mack: Than why does not it rains on my wife..

--------

Passenger: Tell me, how would you describe the rain in this part of the country?
Guide: Lots of little drops of water falling allover!

--------



"It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean."

Humor on Doctors


A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad a news and a worse news for you".
"what's the bad news?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."
That's terrible," said the patient.
"How can the news possibly be worse?"
The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

----------

Patient: Doctor, i feel i am a pack of cards. What should i do?
Doctor: I'll deal with you later..

----------

Doctor: do you what is Nurse?
Patient: A beautiful woman who holds our hand for one full minute and then expects our
pulse to be normal..

----------

Patient: Doctor i got pain whenever i take tea.
Doctor: Take your spoon out o cup whenever you take tea.

----------

Doctor: Congrats, you become a father.
Man: Pl, do not tell this to my wife, I want to surprise her shortly..

----------

Man to doctor: I have one problem..
Doctor.: what?
Man: I can't see the person whom i am talking..
Doctor: when you face this problem??
Man: while talking on the phone. !!!

----------

Patient: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps on copying me!
Doctor: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps on copying me!

----------

Sick Boy: Doctor, Le me go fast, today my friend is coming home..
I have to remove all the toys..
Doctor: why, is your friend is a thief??
Boy: No, he will identify his toys...

----------

Patient: I have a problem, I keeps in biting my nails, what should i do?
Doctor: I have solution, let me remove all your teeth..

----------

Father: I need vitamin for my son.
Doctor: Vitamin A,B or c?
Father: Any will do as my son does not the alphabets!!

----------

"If you can dream it, you can do it."
- Walt Disney

Couples Jokes

Couples are amazing but there are lot of moments when their actions and conversation becomes fun so here are those funny couple jokes.


Once old man said: When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
But when a fifteen year married couple smile everyone wonders why..!!!
___________

Wife: Why are you late?
Hubby: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Wife: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Hubby: No. I was standing on it.
___________

Groom: Father, I have found a woman just like my mother.
Father: then what do you want from me, sympathy??
___________

Wife: Do you know that why are crows black?
Husband: yes, because they don't have money to buy Fair & Lovely!!
___________


Wife: Today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: well, let us stand in silence for two minutes.!!!


"Paint a masterpiece daily. Always autograph your work with excellence."

On Lawyers

1st criminal: what is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
2nd criminal relies: A vampire only sucks blood at night.

***********

Children who never come when called will grow up to be doctors...
Children who come before they are called will grow up to be lawyers.

***********

Mr. Sam asked: How can you know, when a lawyer is lying?
Mr. joy replied: It is so funny, His lips must be moving.

***********

Q: If an ethical Lawyer, an honest politician and a merciful aerobic instructor, all fall out
from an air plan. Which one hits the ground first.?
A: It doesn't matter, none of them exist.

***********

Q: what is the difference between good lawyer and great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law and a great lawyer knows the judge..

***********

Wife: what do you like most, my beauty or brain??
Husband: your sense of humor..

***********

Father asks to son: why don't you work??
Son replies: I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.!!!

***********

Girl asked fer friend: what is the fastest way to man's heart?
Friend: With a sharp knife, through his chest !!!

***********

Husband: we have six child and i ll call you mother of five.
Wife: o.k, then i will also call you father of three !!

***********

What is the difference between an onion and lawyer?
You can cry when you stick a knife in an onion

***********

'One chance is all you need.' - Jesse Owens

Salesman Pranks


Salesman: Mam, you will look very attractive in this dress.
Lady: I like it but i don't like its color.
Salesman: Oh, don't worry about it, It will disappear after the first wash.!!!

----------

Salesman to boss: Oh boss, i sold a land which is completely under water. The customer is very short temper, so i think that we should refund his money.
Boss: What kind of salesman you are? Just go back and sell a houseboat to him.

----------

Salesman to a kid: Is your mother at home?
kid replied: yes.
Salesman: Rang the bell four time, but no one comes out.
Salesman asked kid: You said she is at home??
Kid: Yes, she is at home, but it is not a place where i live.

-----------

Customer: What is the surety of this LCD?
Salesman: It is so good that If you throw it from 50 feet, it will not break till 49 feet..
Customer: Great, pack it..

-----------

Customer: How do you know a salesman is lying?
Friend: His lips are moving !!

-----------

Funny man went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the salesman twice.:-(
Guess why?
Because it was written there "use two before dialing.."

-----------

Customer: Is the mineral water you sell healthy?
Salesman: Yes sir, we sale only well water.(water from a well)

-----------

Salesman punchline for selling mosquito coil...
Before that you turned very weak in missing someone...
Before that you turned very weak in missing someone...
that a stupid mosquito take me out from bad!!!
so use it fight with them..

-----------

Man: There are many funny stupid people.
salesman: God must love stupid people. He made So many.

****

"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects." ~Arnold Glasow

On Lazyman

Lazy man thinking: A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station!!
________

Boyfriend; am i the first man you have ever loved ?
Girlfriend; of course yes honey, why do all lazy men ask the same question?
________

A man was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!

_________

Man at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing
is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
_________

Teacher: It is very bad, why are you late again?
Student: I am very sorry mam, I just overslept.
Teacher: Do you mean that you need to sleep at home too?
________

Two female friends talk..
First: why don't men show their real feelings??
second: because they don't have anyone...
first: o.k., tell me, what is successful men?
second; who earns more than his wife can spend !!
__________

Man: I broke my leg in two places.
Friend suggestion: Than you should quit going to those place..
_________

Dad: How do YOU spell cat?
Son: k - a - t.
Dad: You are wrong, look at the dictionary, it is c-a-t!
Son: But Dad, you asked me how do I spell it!
_________

A man at medical shop: Can i but poison?
Chemist: Sorry, We can not provide you.
Man thinks and than shows his marriage certificate..
Chemist apologized and sad: Sorry, I didn’t know that you had a prescription with you..

Husband Wife Funny Jokes


Husband: My wife is an angel.
Friends: You are lucky, my wife is still alive..

------

After 20 years of marriage, what married men think?
They realize that there are so many options available for suicide, like: Poison, jumping from a building, sleeping pills, hanging, lying on train tracks, but why we chose this marriage. It is like slow and sure poison!!

------

After 10 year of marriage: Husbands think that we are living proof that women can take a joke on..

------

Wife: Do you know that some people make others happy, wherever they go.
Husband: But You make me happy, whenever you go!

------

Doctor: Has there been any insanity in your family?
Wife: Yes, my hubby thinks he is the boss!

------

Lady friend: Which book do you like the most?
She replied: My husband's cheque book..

------

Q: Husband's credit card stolen but he did not report it, why?
A: Because the thief was spending less than his wife.

------

A married man saying..
Man: Before marriage, a man yearn for the women he loves.
After marriage the "y" become silent.

------

Two people chat:-
First: What is the difference between wife and neighbor's wife.?
Second replied: Wife is like chocolate, you can have anytime but neighbor's wife is like an
ice cream, you should have immediately..!!!!

------

Husband: My wife is missing.
Postmaster: How funny, This is post office not police station..
Husband: Oh sorry!! i am so happy that i don't know where to go !!

------

Married man says to his bachelor friend,
Marriage is a three ring circus ...
Bachelor asked: how??
Married man: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering...

------

Wife: Sweet heart..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...??
You've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

------

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

------

Once a husband & wife quarreled.
They went for an drive and suddenly a dirty, worst and bad animal come in front of their car.
Husband in anger said: Are those your relatives?
Wife replied: Yes, my in-laws.!!!

------

Mother to daughter: Good, you talk on phone just for half an hour, instead of two hour.
Daughter: that was wrong number, mom !!

------

Wife; It's my birthday, where is my gift??
Married-man; Today, I offer you myself..
Wife; i am sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

------

Interviewer: Where you born?
Married-man: in California.
Interviewer: which part?
Married-man: All of mine.

------

Mr jack: You are wearing your marriage ring in wrong finger..
Mr. smith replied: Yes, because i married to a wrong woman !!

------

On golden anniversary:-
Wife asked: Do you remember when you proposed to me?
Husband replied: "Yes honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."

------

Husband: The is the meaning of 'WIFE' is 'Without intimation fights every time'
Wife: No dear it means 'With idiot for ever'..

------

Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...

------

Wife: I want to divorce my husband.
Judge: Why?
Wife: Because i feel that this man is not faithful.
Judge: How can you say this?
Wife: Not even a single kid resembles him..


"People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
- Abraham Lincoln

Pranks on Valentine's Day

Girl: you know, what is the trend of parties on valentine's day?
Boy: I noted that "In America you find parties but in Russia parties finds you."

----

Girlfriend: Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?
Boyfriend: Because you always heart ( hurt) the one you love.

----

Boyfriend: Love is great feeling and it is also very photogenic;
Girlfriend: How?
Boyfriend: Because it needs darkness to develop..

----

A woman tells her funny husband, "I just dreamed that
you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.
Do you know what does it means?"
Husband: You'll know tonight.
That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife.
She delighted and opens it and sees a book entitled,
"The meaning of dreams"!!!

----

When I got home last night my wife demanded that
'take me somewhere expensive place on valentine;s day'...
I thought a lot and I took her to a petrol station ...!!!

----

Wife says to husband:
I am tired of being your maid,
I am filing for divorce!
No, you are fired!

----

I overheard a friend telling his neighbor on valentine's day, "I couldn't broke my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What she do?", the neighbor asks.
"Waiting for me to get home."

----

It is being said that a woman has the last word in any argument or fight.
Because anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument again!!

----

God made a man as a great human being who pays 10$ for a 5$ thing he wants.
But similarly he has made a woman who pays 5$ for a 10$ thing that she doesn't want..

----

It has been noticed that Women, deceived by men, want to get married with them; it is a kind of revenge as good as any other. So always beware!!


"Life is just a chance to grow a soul"

College Jokes


A girl in college tells her friend: It is my mom who made my dad a millionaire.
Friend asks: And what was his status before marriage?
The college girl replied: He was a multimillionaire before marriage!!

****

Two college guys were talking..
One of them said: when the apple is green, it is ready to pluck..
and when the girl is eighteen, she is ready to...
Vote..
You dirty mind, elections are near.. so try to think +positive.

****

Two college female friends:
First: Why it is so difficult to find a men who is caring, sensitive, good looking and rich.
Second girl replies: Because they already have girlfriends.

****

Two girl in college:
First girl asked: Do you know what do boys discuss when they are together?
Another girl: The same thing which we discuss when we are together..
First girl: Oh, How Disgusting.!!!

****

Two college boys:
First asked: What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
Second replied: It is when your Girl Friend says "You are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends in college."

****

Tensed married lecturer in college lecture:--
Students: Do you Know why a room full of married people looks so empty?
Students: why, sir?
Lecturer: because, there's not a Single person in it..

****


Girl friend; will you marry me after finishing college?
Boyfriend: I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life !!

****


Girl: The word wife is in short form. Do you know the full form of wife?
Boy: Yes, it is worries invited for ever!

Santa Banta

Santa completed his medical and did his first operation..
Soon after finishing the operation, the patient died..
Santa prayed, "God, accept my first Gift"!!

******

Santa: Hey, look that snake is going to bite your wife..
Banta: Don't worry, His poison must be finished, just came here to recharge..

******

Santa: What did the bikers say when lost their bike?
Banta: Where is my bike..

******

Santa: I came to know that your uncle died yesterday due to bus ran over him.
Banta: Yes, but I think he was weaker than me, because yesterday an plane flew over me and
nothing happened to me!

******

Santa calls doctor..
Banta! my wife is pregnant and she is having labor pain now.
Santa: OK, Tell me that is this her first child?
Banta: No Doctor!! Her husband on the liner!!

******

One Monkey saw his Face in the Mirror and commit suicide,
You pl promise me that you will not see your face in the mirror..
pl pl!!!

******

You are miles away from me.
Still i am watching your every movements by three different..
channels!!
1.Discovery
2.National Geographic
3.Animal Planet

******

A : You are Active.
B : You are Best.
C : You are Cute.
D : You are my Dearest.
E : You are Excellent.
F : You are always First.
G : You are Great.
Sorry! can't lie till too much...

***

Santa and his Wife went to a hotel.
One lady said 'hello' to her husband.
Wife: Who was she??
Santa: Pl, don't bother me, i am already tensed as she will ask the same question to me!!!

******

Q: What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
A: The PGA tour.

**********

Q: How can you keep a fool busy for hours?
A: Give me a piece of paper wit 'please turn over' written on the both sides!

**********

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-Victor Borge.

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