Clean Humor

Banks Rules: If you take car/home on loan and fail to repay, the bank takes the asset or vehicle back..
People are too smart, now they are taking loan for marriages...

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Do you know the major difference between teachers and conductors?
Yes, teacher make good minds, conductors do good checking..

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Man asked to God - Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to in short - So that you love them.
Man asked to God - But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man - So that they love you..

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Denis: Can you answer that Where do ghost train stops at?
Ricky: Of course at the devil station..

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Husband: It is for sure that your brain is as good as new..
Wife: How can you say that?
Husband: Because unused things stay new and clean!

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Thing to do for married men:
Married men should forget his mistakes - Because there is no use that two people remembering the same thing..

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John: How do you know that the phone is working underwater?
Shen: Simply, when i hear, it‘s wringing wet!

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If someone says you are ugly not clean, its OK, if someone says you are stupid, its OK,
If someone says you are genius slap him as tight as you can and say there
is a limit of kidding, you are now crossing the limits!

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Mr. Bean puts his pencil into a horlicks bottle !!!
why..
To make the pencil look taller, stronger & sharper !!!

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I said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

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Interviewer: what is your date of birth?
Man: Nov 28..
Interviewer: which year?
Man: Dear, every year!!!

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Wife: Should i tell you one thing but please don't slap me...
Hus: OK, tell me..
wife: I am pregnant..
Hus: Its good news, why were you fearing
Wife: I told the same before marriage, father slapped me !!!!!

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Husband: Will u marry shortly after i die?
Wife: No i Will live with my sister.
Wife: Will u marry after i die?
Husband: No, i will also live with your sister.

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An Englishman and Indian inside the toilet..
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Indian: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

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How did stupid tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

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Man on an interview for the post of 'detective' was asked a question -
Interviewer - Who killed Gandhi ji ?
Man- Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.

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Mr. X: what do you think while driving car, when some one overtake you road ??
Mr. Y: anyone going slower than me is an idiot and anyone who is driving faster than me is a Maniac.....

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On 1st April stupid man traveling in bus.
Conductor asked for ticket and he gave the money..
then said: April fool.. I already have pass!!!

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Wife says to husband: why don't you work??
Husband: Because my philosophy is 'No Pain, No Pain' ..

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Friends chat..
Q: What did square says to circle?
A: Your life is so pointless..
Q: What did a man with broken leg says to nurse?
A: I have got a crutch on you.!!

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"If you are not having fun, it's your own fault." ~Rich Digirolamo

Meaningful Article

'Value of Laughter can be known by going through these articles on short jokes'

Why to Laugh?

Spread happiness with Short Jokes

Short jokes - Reason for smile

Clean Jokes for fun and Humor

Come out of loneliness with short jokes

Health and short jokes

Life with fun and short jokes

Success and Fun

Fun for all celebrations

Test Your IQ

'Test your intelligence here'

Three brothers went for a dinner. After dinner waiter gave them the bill of 75$.
They equally pay 25$ each for bill.
The manager was very happy that day and gave them discount of 5$.
SO waiter returned back 1$ to each one and kept 2$ as tip.
So that is how all three paid 25-1=24$ each.
Now 24$ +24$ +24$= 72$.
and waiter kept 2$.
So 722=74$.

Now tell me in short time that where is the last 1$???????

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Q: Anyone can earn it from doing nothing and everything. The wise and foolish both have it. The more and less you have of it the better and worse you are in life. Time is the only boundary that keeps us from obtaining it.Most take this value for granted. There is NO device to measure it. It governs all and can never be tamed. You gain it by solving this riddle. What is it?
A: Experience

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Read it Loudly..
This is this danger
This is is danger.
This is how danger
This is to danger
This is keep danger.
This is a danger
This is fool danger
This is busy danger
This is for danger
This is thirty danger
This is seconds danger

Now please read the third word in each line then you will understand what is good in this.
:-)))))

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You can not touch your Elbow with your tongue..

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Q: What is the thing starts with E and ends with E but only has one letter
A: Of course, Its an Envelope.

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Q: What has so many keys but can not open any lock.
A: It's a Piano.

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Q: It is great thing. The cost of making only the maker knows. Valueless if bought but sometimes traded. A poor man may give one as easily as a king. When one is broken pain and deceit are assured. What Is It?
See the solution
A: It is a promise



Q: A lady shoots her man..
After that she holds him under water for over 10 minutes.
And finally, she hangs him.
Surprisingly after 15 minutes they go out for dinner outside together..
Solve, how is it possible??
A: Lady was a photographer. And that was a process to develop a picture..

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Q: Do you know what is it that you cannot hold even 5 minutes, even though it is lighter than a feather?
A: Your own breath

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Q: Sophie father has three children : Jazz, Joe and___?
A: Sophie

Life and Sense of humor

God is great. He has given us lots of qualities and weakness. We often feel very happy in good time and get depressed in bad time. Good and bad time both are the part of human being's life. It depends on our thinking and attitude which determines how to react and how to absorb the tough time. It is very tough to be neutral all the time but it is idle to follow the same.

It is the natural behavior of human being that he/she does not get satisfied. A new hope and expectation rises after finishing one. The time is like a river, it keeps on flowing. So it is always advisable that we should enjoy our present with jokes and should learn from it as present is very precious time of our life. It is present which becomes past and we wait for it as future. One should face the situation with welcome smile and eager to get the best out of it.

Think really matters to think about your purpose of being in the world and avoid useless talks. Fee l happy to be a reason for someone's laugh. Laughter is priceless. When laughter comes, all tension automatically runs. So why not to make each moment remember able with good sense of humor. Do not sit idle, you can share your best jokes and funny instances to keep up the momentum. While doing this you will feel more happy and satisfied when some laugh because of you. Always keep your eyes on your target and spread the scent of laughter on everyone. It costs nothing but give you lots of gain.

Health and Humor

Humor and jokes help us in being healthy. Health is the necessity for all human beings. You can not enjoy anything until you are fit and fine. There is very strong relation between good health and happiness. If you are sad and tensed, you can not maintain good health. So there are some ideas which enable you to be happy for the sake of your health with smile and laughter.

When I am talking about health, it does not only mean physical health, it also refers to mental health. Rather mental health is much more important for us. So there are some important steps to keep yourself mentally healthy:-

• Do not take the things very personally.
• Make a habit of reading good and motivational books.
• Take necessary vitamins to make your mind sharp.
• Do not sit idle, keep on doing something creative.
• Have a dose of laughter through funny material and be relaxed.
• Keep your work up to date.
• Keep yourself busy and do not take part in controversial matters.

So now you came to know that how to make yourself mentally healthy. But after taking care of your mental health, take step to make yourself physically fit. We can do all work successfully with healthy body, so It needs to be taken care. You can follow below mentioned steps to make yourself physically strong:-

• Always avoid alcohol, it is protoplasmic poison.
• Add fresh fruits and green vegetable in your routine diet.
• Take 8-10 glass clean water in a day.
• Get up early in the morning and go for a walk.
• You should not talk too much on cell phone; its radiation may cause your brain.

These are the basics to maintain your health. Above all you should try to adopt good sense of humor. You should laugh a lot in a day. There are lots of funny jokes which help to bring laughter on our faces. It is really good for your health. So enjoy life with jokes. I am sure that if we follow all these steps than health is only few step away. We can enjoy our life with good health only. One can play jokes and pranks to make life interesting and most enjoyable.

Random Pranks

Mr joy: What is the difference between girl's leg and butter?
George replied in short: Both are delicious when spread.!!!

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Man to his short friend:
You know Michal, you so short that your identity card touches on your feet!!

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The day of the Interview.
Interviewer: Are you nervous?
Candidate: Shortly said, no, I am not. I am single.
Interviewee: Is this your pencil?
Candidate: Yes, I am a pencil.
Interviewee: What are you wearing?
Candidate: I am short but fat.

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My student who did not speak much English wanted to
impress me .
one day. She had to walk past me ,
while I was talking to someone. She said, "Excuse me, can I pass away?"

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If time doesn't wait for you..
Don't worry!!
just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life!!
great people,great thoughts!!!!

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Boy jumps first..
Girl closed her eyes and returned back saying "Love is blind"
Boy in air opens his parachute and says "True love never dies."

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Mom: "Mickey" the clock on the wall is not working, but you have a watch.
What time is it?"
Mickey: "2 o'watch."

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Uncle to nephew, " Are 'pants' singular or plural?"
Nephew, "They're singular on top and plural on the bottom."

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What is the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is an evil, cold blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan and the another is a snake.

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Once a men inserted an advertisement in a local newspaper.
"wife wanted."
Next day he received hundred of letter saying same thing that "you can take mine."

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Micky: I am going to give exam.
Neighbor: Than why are taking your short cat with you?
Micky: Because, i have an exam of C A T entrance..

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"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." - Lord Byron

Our Archived

Michal: I have a quiet home life.
Stella: Great, how?
Michal: She does not speak to me and i do not speak to her..
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Wife: Hey! look at that funny guy who has drunk..
Husband: Who is he?
Wife: He is my ex-boyfriend, i denied him for marriage.
Husband: Oh my god! He is still celebrating his freedom...
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Girl: Do you know, why were females created before males?
Boy: Because God needed a rough funny draft before the final copy!
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Monika: What do you call the parents of ghost?
Smith: Transparents!
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Q: What does make a short man to think about candle light dinner?
A: Well, because of Power fail!!
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Dad: Son, you take two short hours to go to your in-laws home but take four hours to come back, How come?
Son: Because there are five gears in car to go forward in short and only one gear to reverse it..
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Common lines shortly after boys get drunk :-
--> You are my brother..
--> I will drive the car..
--> I love you from my heart..
--> Today i am not feeling drunk..
--> Don't think that i am saying all this because i am drunk..
--> Let's have one more glass..
--> Ask me what you need, i can even die for you..
--> Don't teach your father..
And the best one in short...
----> i will stop drinking from tomorrow..

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Teacher: Write a short essay on football match.
All students were busy but one student was free..
Teacher: why are you not writing anything?
Funny student: "Miss, Match draw due to rain.."
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Mom: If the plural of mouse is mice than what should be plural of baby?
Son: It should be Twins..
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Mack: Why are looking so tensed?
Andrew: Yes, because i am going to be father?
Mack: Oh, that's the good news.
Andrew: No, it's not. My wife does not aware about it..
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Boxer: How high my temperature is?
Doctor: A hundred and two!
Boxer: Oh, but what is the world record?

Teacher - Student

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor..
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Teacher: What would you call that person who always keeps on explaining but other people are no longer interested in his short/long stories?
Funny student: That is a Teacher..
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Teacher: Mack, if your mother has 20$ and you borrow 10$, how much will remain with your mom?
Student: Miss, 20$.
Teacher: Sorry, you do not know math.
Student: No, you do not know my mom..
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Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention here?
Student: yes mam, I am paying as little attention as i can. !!
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An E.N.T. Professor retired from college. In the farewell college faculty
gifted him a silver ear.
Thanking the faculty the professor said: "Thank god I am not a gynecologist."
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Student 1: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Student 2: OK..
Student 1: A sort white horse fell in the mud.
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Teacher: Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?
Student: It is 42 mam!
Teacher: Great, and who will tell me what 6 times 7 is?
Same student: It 24 mam.
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Two student were chatting..
First: Do you know what is snake's funny favorite subject?
Second: No, you tell.
First: Hisssstory!!!
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Students were looking outside of class to watch monkey there
Teacher: Why are to looking outside to see monkey when i am here?
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Teacher: Who will tell the chemical formula of water in short?
One student: Its "h.i.j.k.l.m.n.o."
Teacher: What is this?
Student: Mam, yesterday you told us that it is H to O !!
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Jazzy: My father is pregnant, I will soon have brother.
Teacher: How can it be? It is not possible.
Jazzy: My mother had abdominal pain last month, than i got a little sister, now my father is undergoing the same pain.!!!
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Teacher: Mack, come here, see the map and find South America.
Mack: Mam, Here it is..
Teacher: Right, Good, Go to your seat.
Teacher: Students, now tell me who discovered South America
Student: Miss, Mack ..
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Teacher: From where to where foreigner ruled us?
Student: I am not sure but I think from page 50 to 55...
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Teacher: if you want to make your character good, then say all woman 'Mother'.
Student: well that will make my character good, but what about my Father ??
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Teacher: On Monday, there will be class on sun.
Student: Sorry miss, i can not attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Student: My mom does not permit me to go so far.
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Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
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Man: How can you tell if a man is happy?
Woman : Who cares?
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"In ten minute, a hurricane releases more energy all the world's nuclear weapons combined."