One Liner Jokes

Everyone makes mistakes, but the trick is when you make them when no one s watching.

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Beer is a proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Why don't males show their true feelings? As they don't have any..

Did you fart because you blew me away.

I heard that your cat say its name, yes its meow!

Treat each day as your last; One day you will be right.

I want you to shock me, Pl say something intelligent!

Confession is always good for the soul, but bad for your career!

Money may not buy happiness but it can buy wine for you.

Do you think I suffer from insanity? No, I enjoy every minute of it.

Time is great healer, but a terrible beautician.

My wife i were happy for twenty years. Then we met!

If i agree with you we'd both be wrong.

Early to bed, early to rise makes the people suspicious.

Hard work is future payoff but laziness pays off now!

Name of the jam can't be eaten on toast? Traffic Jam!

What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A Urlologist..

Crime does not pay. Does it mean my job is a crime?

What is the best part of school? Summer Vacation!

Bad spellers of the world untie.

Whats wrong with summer vacation? Nothing..

To spend good life with man, you must understand him a lot but love him little..

If barbie is so popular why do you have to buy her friends?

Mechanic couldn't repair my breaks, so he made your horn louder..

I was in love at first sight, than i took a second look !!

There is one good thing about being poor ~ it inexpensive.

Just because I do not care does not mean I do.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Boys are like parking spaces, the good ones are take-in...

We have a quiet home life, I don't speak to my wife and she doesn't speak to me.

Born free...taxed to death.

My wife always talking about a trip to Europe,
I have no objections - I let her talk !!

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

You are never too old to learn something stupid.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

If winning is not everything, why do they keep score?

War does not determine who is right - only who is left

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

Tear: The kind of by which man's willpower is defeated by woman's water power.

A day without sunshine is like.... Night.

The men die before their wife.... because they want to.

Women have smaller feet than men so they can stand closer to kitchen sink.

It was love at first sight. Than i took a second look!

When i told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

They call our language mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

I went alone for honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.

A ghost says to another ghost that do you believe in people?"

My wife does not know what she wants.. Good you are luck, my wife does!

A bank is a place that will lend y.

I am in shape. Round's a shape, isn't it?

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I used to be indecisive, Now i am not sure.

If you think no body cares for you, bounce couple of your installments.

You are dark cute; when there is dark you look cute!

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Why can’t beautiful girl dial 911? She unable to find 11.

If at first attempt you don't succeed, delegate it.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence but second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

*****

"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from human face."
-Victor Hugo