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Funniest Ever

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Couple went to Jerusalem. Wife died due to some major attack.
Priest: The charges for sending her body home would cost $1200 but burial here in this holy city would cost $120
Husband: well, i would like to take her body to home.
Priest: Why are you choosing the costly option?
Husband Jesus was buried in the same city here and came alive after three days. So I do not to take any risk.!!

Friend: Is there any way to convert the short life into a long life?
Married friend: You too get married..
Friend: Will it help?
Married friend: No, but the thought of long life will never come again..

Doctor: Do you watch your husband face while enjoying?
Lady: Yes, i saw once and i noticed lots of anger on his face.
Doctor: Why, is he short temper?
Lady: No, because he was watching me from window!!

There are two days which are the best of a man's wedded life,
First: The days when he marries and second, when he buries his wife.

Owner to Gardner: Go and water the plants.
Gardner: Sir, it is raining..
Owner: No excuses, you can use umbrella..

'Don't use your mobile here' written on patrol pump.
Man immediately stated calling his friends to inform that don't call me now!

A famous speaker said:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who
was not my wife"
Audience was in shock & silence.
He added: She was my Mother.
A top manager tried to crack this at home.
After 2 drinks, he said loudly to his wife in kitchen,,
Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not
my wife. Standing for a moment to recall the second half, he finally
blurted out..
I can not remember who she was.
By the time he regained his sense, he was on a hospital bad, recovering from burns
of boiling water.
Moral: Do not copy if you can not Paste!!

To girls, love is an occupation.
To boys, a preoccupation.

After death, man asks to the hell manager: Can i make a short call to my spouse?
Hell manager: OK.
Man after call: How much should i pay for it?
Hell manager: Nothing, hell to hell is free of cost..

My dear God, I pray you to bless with the virtue of patience..
But I want it right now..

Ricky: Do not fight with girls..
John: Why?
Ricky: Because they always carry their two weapons with them: Cosmetics and tears !!

Wife: I am going to make you the happiest man tonight..
Hubby: It is 12 PM and who is going to help you in packing this time, So please do not joke..

Uncle: Dear, tell me that what can we do to stop polluting our waters?
Nephew: Simply, we should stop taking baths?

Face problem..
Girl: There is a big problem with your face..
Boy: What?
Girl: It shows !!


"In one day an average person will take about 18000 steps."