Laugh Starter Jokes

My Boss

When I do something without being told, I'm overstepping my authority
When my boss does the same, that's initiative

Competitive salary
We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

Join our fast-paced company
We have no time to train you.

Casual work atmosphere
We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

Some overtime required
Some every night and some every weekend.

Duties will vary
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must have an eye for detail
We have no quality assurance.

Career-minded
Female applicants must be childless.

Apply in person
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told that the position has been filled.

Corporates are like

Corporates are like you have 2 cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when it drops dead.

She Puts Lipstick

Your momma is So stupid,, she puts Lipstick on her forehead to "Make up" her mind.

I wouldn't say

I wouldn't say you're Dumb.. I mean you are, but I wouldn't say it.

Trying to be funny

Embarrassing moment when your parents trying to be funny in front of your friends.

Married men

Yawning is the only time some married men ever get the opportunity to open their mouth.

Polish it

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Why take the chance

Cow Can..

Do you know that cow can produce around 2 lac glasses of milk in her life time.

Over your toe

Q: What do you call when a truck runs over your toe?
A: A toe truck!!

Could not sleep

Need money but

I really need money, But I am not in a mood of doing a job..

That awkward moment

That awkward moment when you realize you probably shouldn’t have told someone something.

I just love

Don't think that I'm ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone

Don't harm the students..

There was a sign board near school which says:
"Pl drive carefully, Don't harm the students..
Just wait for teachers!"

What is first month

Teacher: Do you know what is the first month?
Kid: Yes miss ! It is January.
Teacher: Good and what is the second month?
Kid: It is February.
Teacher: Great. OK, tell me what is the last month?
Kids: 9th month of Delivery..

Knock Knock

You: knock knock
She: Who's there?
You: I like
She: I like who?
You: I like YOU:

Please ignore it..

Wishing you happy independence day.
Oh sorry, this massage is only for singles..
Married people, please ignore it..

Funny thing

Funny thing when people discuss arrange marriage v/s Love marriage.
It is like asking to someone that suicide is better than being hanged...

Washing dishes?

Salesman: What do you use for washing dishes?
Housewife: Well, I did lots of experiments with lots of things, but found my hubby is the best!

Ever cheated on me?

Husband: Tell me that have you ever cheated on me?
Wife: Yes, two times.
Husband yelled: when?
Wife: In 1995, when you needed leg plaster and we didn't have insurance. we were short of money and i arranged a doctor who treated for you free.
second time: when you stood in election and you fallen short of 150 votes.!!!