Short Jokes - New

'Have fun with our new handpicked short jokes.'

Two females were fighting for bus seat..
Conductor: OK, stop fighting, The older one should get the sit..
and you know what happened??
Seat kept empty..

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Doctor: I advised you to have at-least two meals in a day, Are you following it?
Female: Oh no... I thought you advised two male in a day..

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After hair cut, shave and pedicure of himself, man said i will come back till that time cut the hair of this kid.
After an hour
Salon owner to kid: Where is your father?
Kid: He is not my father, he met me outside and said, lets have free short hair cut of you and me!!

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Boy rings the door bell and girl opens the door.
Boy: Do you believe in love at first sight or should i come back again.

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Beggar: Pl give me 2$ for coffee.
Stranger: You can buy 2 cup of coffee in 2$.
Beggar: Yes, but i have my girlfriend with me also.
Stranger: How funny, a beggar made a girlfriend.
Beggar: No sir, girlfriend made me beggar!!

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Hitler says:-
"There is no word like 'impossible' in my dictionary"
Soldier: You should have checked the dictionary before buying it.....

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Once a man walks up to in woman's office each day, stand very closely to her,
draws in large breath of air and tells her hair smells nice!!!

After some days, she can't stand any longer and goes to her supervisor's office
and says that she want to file a sexual harassment suit against that man and tells why.
After listing supervisor gets puzzles and says whats wrong with your co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
Than the woman replies: " He is a midget."!!!

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Wife: You do not know how to love..
Husband: if i do not know than have you downloaded these two kids from internet ?
Wife: no, they are the result of our neighbor's pen-drive...

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Once husband was sleeping and wife was taking bath.
A door bell rings and wife wrap herself in a towel and open the door.
She see the neighbor..
Neighbor asked: If you remove your towel, i will give you 1000$.
she think for a while and removes..
neighbor gives her 1000$ and goes.
After waking up husband asks, "did the next neighbor given you 1000$ he owed from me??"

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"When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him."

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A husband and wife were eating soup.
The wife spilled soup all over her and says:-
"Oh no, I look like a pig"
"yes and you also have soup all over you!"

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Wife asked : What are two things you cannot have for breakfast?
Husband : Lunch and Dinner..

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A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

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Boy : I love You....
Girl : I don't..
Boy : think again..
girl : no,i don't..
boy : waiter get two separate bills for lunch..
girl : i love you a lot..I am saying this for fun..my love , pl don't take little things at heart..:)

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Two Lovers went to watch a movie..
A mosquito entered in the girl's skirt,,,
Guess where it bit???
You Naughty mind,,, always think dirty..
It bit on...
...The boy's Hand.!!!!

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Father: Dear son This time you have to gain at least 95% marks..
Son: No dad , I will gain 100% this time..
Father:why r you making a joke.
Son: Who started first …..?????

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Once a Wife says to husband, " we've got such a clever dog, he brings in the
daily newspapers every morning.
Husband replies, "well, lots of dogs can do that.
Wife responded, " but we have never subscribed for any newspaper.!!!

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"Laugh at yourself first before else can."