Nice Jokes

Dentist: I have treated your tooth well. Now you will not have any toothache, but you will have a stomachache..
Patient: Why?
Dentist: Because you have swallowed my steel forceps..
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Bank clerk: Boss, there is no more space to keep office records. Can i throw away all old files?
Bank Manager: OK, you can do that. But do not forget to keep two xerox copies of each record.
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Two sleep men were about to board the train when they saw a signboard mentioned: Dogs and cats must be carried.
"Hold it," said one of them.
"From where we suppose to get dogs and cats at this part of night?"!!
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A drunken man staggered to his car and fumbled with his keys. The policeman watching him and asked, "I am sure you do not intent to drive in this condition," The drunken man answered, "Yes, I do intend to drive because I am no condition to walk either."
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John: People waste water a lot. Soon there will be no water on the earth!!
Roan: No problem! We can use milk instead of water.
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Sammy: I know of a table that can catch a thief..
Lisa: Really? Give me one too.
Sammy: I know only one, and he is called a constable..
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Boy comes to home..
asked his wife: Fast, Pack your bag, I have won Rs.50000$ in lottery..
Wife: Great!! Where are we going?
Boy: Nowhere? Just pack your bag and go away..]

Girl Noticed

A girl noticed in the office that a middle aged man was placing the stamp of 'I Love You' on cards and writing - I am still missing you..
Girl went to him and asked, May i know what are you doing?
Man: I am going to send 200 cards and different couples..
Girl: But why are you doing so?
Man: Because i am short of business..
Girl: what business you do?
Man: I am the lawyer of divorce..
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Why did a beautiful girl put lipstick on her forehead?
I think she must be trying to make up her mind.
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How can you confuse your husband?
No, you can't because he is always been like that.
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Seventy percent of married men cheat in Australia.
What about the thirty percent?
They cheat in Thailand!!
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A boy in college was flirting with girl..
There were 3 girl standing:
He went to first girl and asked: You have got such a beautiful hair, what is the secret of it?
Girl: It comes by natural..
He went to second girl whose hair were yellow and asked the same question:
Girl: It is by natural.
Than he went to another girl whose hair were blue and asked the same question
Girl replied: It is natural..
Moral: Girl never tell the truth.
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Husband messages to wife: I am missing you a lot, what is up there?
Wife replies: Me to but right now i am dying..
Husband: Feels like heaven but still shows some sympathy and replies, oh now, i can not live without you..
Wife: Are you mad, i am not that dying, i am just dying my hairs..
Husband: I wish..
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What when you sinned 90 times..
Very simple: you are suppose to be caught 45 times.
How?
It is because we read that SIN 90 = COT 45!!

Jokes Quotes

"A joke without a point, inane and bald, itself a joke on joking may be called."
~Menander of Athens

"A thing said in jest, is half confessed."
~tessah

"Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars."
~George Mikes

"A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener's mind. You start him off toward a plausible goal, and then by a sudden twist you land him nowhere at all or just where he didn't expect to go."
~Max Eastman


"Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion."
~George Orwell


"One of the standing jokes of Congress is that the new Congressman always spends the first week wondering how he got there and the rest of the time wondering how the other members got there."
~Anonymous

A complete Review

The word 'Short' means a lot in our lives. Actually it is favorite word of everyone. We all utter this word lots of time in our day to day life. Here are some examples:

• When you born, you are very short.
• Your parents want you to grow up shortly.
• You often have short of time and sometimes short of ideas.
• People like short hair cut.
• Girl often have short height.
• Short stories are liked by all.
• You love to read short jokes as you understand them shortly.
• Sometimes you leave job in a very short notice.
• Businessmen make short terms goals.
• People want to earn money by short cut.
• Short sale is famous in stock market.
• Short paths are your favorite to reach anywhere.
• Many movies has been made on short term memory loss.
• Short message service is favorite of youngsters.
• You fall in love with any girl very shortly.

Now you must have about agree on above statements. Now when people don't grow enough and known as short, others make fun of them. But it is not matter of fun. Short people jokes can not harm them anymore. There are lots f benefits of being short, so next time when anyone calls you short, give him/her the solid answer:

• You can not but i can fit in everywhere.
• I can get into any door without any stuck up.
• I look younger even i am not.
• My clothes life is longer.
• I need not to eat too much.
• I get wet by rain after others.
• I get preference to stand first in the row.
• My varieties of clothes are easily available.
• Zero chance of breaking head by doors.
• I can share shoes with kids also.

So be proud of your this virtue. It is god gift. Also remember that all the great people in history have short height but they had brilliant mind and great will power. Life is too short to make fun of others, so be happy make others happy. Share short jokes and pranks to spread neat and clean humor. Face tough time with confidence and wisdom, shortly it will end up and bring good time in your life.

Fart

Once me and my brother went to a shop nearby. The shopkeeper and her wife sitting there. Suddenly her wife farted and we surprise and laughed a lot. This is the funnies experience and we often share it.

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What is the definition of fart?
A turd honking for clearance.

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Ever you you heard about the constipated wheel of the fortune player?
Well, he wanted to buy a bowel.

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A Belch is just a kind of a gust of air,
That come from thy Heart...
But when it takes the downward trend,
It changes into a Fart..

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What is the thing you can never hold on?
My farts..

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Do you know the fact behind farts stink?
Yes, it is so that deaf person could also enjoy them..

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Tell the Green and Smelly?
It is the Hulk's farts.

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Friend 1: Do you know the example of surprise?
Friend 2: A fart with a lump in itself..

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How did the fart cross the road?
As it was stuck in the chicken’s pants..

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How can you take revenge from boss?
Farting at his cabin as I suppose to leave. It is the smartest and silent way to irritate him..

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Where others can listen when you are farting?
When i am inside a crowded lift, reading in a library or in a lecture.

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How can you get indication if a female is wearing pantyhose?
When she farts, her ankles swell!!

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Hey man, i think you are through to that naughty hotline...
Will you please hold it??